Now this might seem like a very strange title, but I will eventually get to the point. As many of you know and have experienced (if you haven’t you will), the children we care for can exhibit some very odd behaviors. Some of what we experience just does not make common sense. Let me explain.

We often get children who have had to raise themselves and have become very distrustful of adults who try to take a "care giver" role in their life. They often have survival techniques that scare us to death. So, when we pour our lives into them and they react the exact opposite of how we would expect, we make assumptions of why they are reacting in such a manner. We say things like, "These children are just not working out in our home", "I want to honor their wish to move", "It’s just not a good fit", etc. When in reality, they might be testing our resolve to help them no matter what. They may be screaming for help the only way they know how. They might not know how to ask for help in a way that we "hear" them.

This gets to the point of "mind reading". Actually, it is just learning the "not so obvious" clues & cries for help or acceptance. At some point, we must get past the obvious. The shouting "I hate you", the silence, etc. and become resolved to got forward no matter what it sounds like and see the "real" message in the behavior.

Unfortunately, there is not a dictionary and cross reference to every behavior linking you to the "real" message. This takes the "team" approach to the next level. We just cannot take the easy way out and move a child. We need to look at all of the possible messages being given. This will take time, energy and everyone respecting each other’s input. Nevertheless, for our kids’ sake, we must do it. If you are not going to do it, then maybe you need a different job...OUCH!

What is your priority?

See you in the trenches.

Don Darland

President